Career & Life

December 18, 2008

Our Relationship With Money

Money. Each of us has a different relationship with it. We view it differently, use it differently and think about it differently. How we experience money affects our relationships with out partners, families, and friends; and it drives our choices for our careers, environments and activities. Take a few moments to reflect on your own relationship with money.

What is your current relationship with money?

What we don’t realize is that it is not about having money or not having it that affects our lives, it is about how the money or lack of it makes us feel, what we believe about it and how we act with it. Without clarity (who we are) and context (what we want), we may always feel that we are lacking and living a life of scarcity instead of abundance. You have the power to change your current relationship with money, to adopt new beliefs and a new set of habits that bring you closer to your goals and dreams. You first must decide what kind of relationship you want to have with money. When you think about your ideal lifestyle, including career, relationships, family, recreation, etc., what is it that matters most to you?

What role does money play in that lifestyle you want?

What role do you want it to play?

Recently my husband and I talked about this very topic. We were away for the weekend, floating peacefully on a beautiful lake and we were talking about how much we are grateful for in our lives (the scenery helped). The conversation then turned to what we most want to add to our lives (things, experiences). At the end of that talk, we realized that much of what we want we could have right now, that the cost was not very much at all. How often does that happen to you – you think that what you want is beyond your reach when really it is far closer than you believe. All you have to do is go for it.

What is it you truly want right now? How close is it?

Of course, some of the things we want do cost more money than we currently have or want to spend, but what if there was still a way to have it, for far less money? One way to achieve this is to think about the essence of what you really want or are seeking. For example, if you want to travel the world, perhaps it is experiencing new cultures or tastes or scenery; if you want a beach house, maybe it is the care free lifestyle, solitude or playfulness you are really craving. The essence is the why behind what you want. Values can also play an important part in figuring this out. Knowing what matters most to you helps you decide where and how to spend the money you have. For example, if you value learning and growth – you may spend on classes, books, degree programs, certification, coaching; if you value security – you may spend on insurance, a safe car, alarm systems; if you value health – you may spend on acupuncture, nutrition counseling, health clubs and whole foods. My example – I value beauty and creativity therefore I spend on art supplies and an occasional art class, weekends at the beach. I also love shopping so I frequent thrift stores – it connects me with my love of treasure hunting and gives me the ability to say “yes” to everything I want since the price point is low – it’s also great for the environment to reuse – and I’m donating to a good cause at the same time.

What is your why – the essence behind what you want in your life?

It is now time to think about your future. You get to decide the role you would like money to plan in achieving your life goals. It is also you who chooses how you will spend your money and what you will save it for. In order to spend in the areas you value, you can look at your overall money picture in several ways: by focusing on where you are spending now in areas you don’t highly value, how much you are spending in areas you do value, and uncovering the essence of what you want to shift how/where spending now.

Another important factor in your future relationship with money is gaining control of it. That includes knowing where it is and how it is working for you – being aware and empowered is a critical abundance-building step. When I met Lori Williams of Wachovia Securities, I had a mishmash of investments that were so confusing I often “ignored” it. Getting everything organized and in one place, with a person whose knowledge I trusted was incredibly freeing. Lori helped me see the big picture of what “enough” means to my husband and I at this time in our lives. This was especially helpful as I had just started my coaching and speaking business and my husband was embarking on a full time music career – making our income unpredictable. This was a big step out of our comfort zones. Working with Lori gives us piece of mind. In her we have someone with the skills and knowledge we lack supporting us in maintaining the lifestyles we want to live.

What support do you have in your relationship with money?

Stefanie Zizzo is a professional career/life coach and speaker who assists individuals and groups from all over the country in discovering, designing and achieving their “best fit” career and lives. Her passion is working with people ready to stretch beyond their comfort zone to reach for their potential. Those who are tired of saying “someday I will…” and are ready for greater achievement, passion and possibilities right now! She is the author of The Journey From Comfort to Possibility: A Workbook of Self Discovery and Personal Transformation, which serves as a springboard to those ready to stretch out of their comfort zones and experience more of life. For a free sample of the Workbook, subscribe to her newsletter at www.stefaniezizzo.com (click join now at the top of the page) and receive a weekly e-mail taking you through Chapter One.

Stefanie is certified as a life coach through the Institute for Life Coach Training and the International Coach Federation and holds a Masters degree in Counseling and a Bachelors degree in Psychology. She also serves as an affiliated coach with VocationVacations, The Coach Connection and ThinkWorkPlay.com, and is on the Board of Chix in Business, Inc., a Triangle-area non-profit organization of women business owners who support and educate each other. Learn more at www.stefaniezizzo.com.

November 3, 2008

Possibilities

I always say, and truly believe that “anything is possible, as long as your desire is compelling and you believe it can happen.” When I think of possibilities I see a huge expanse of limitless experiences and opportunities in front of me. People and places yet to discover, things yet to try, potential yet to reach. Beyond what my eyes can see and often beyond what my mind can even imagine. It’s almost like a playground of excitement and aliveness that surrounds me, constantly expanding and welcoming me.

What is your vision of possibility?

Possibilities could be specific and tangible - something right in front of you waiting for your acknowledgement and embrace – perhaps a new career opportunity or business venture that fits your “big picture” goals. Possibilities could also be impressions or ideas of what “might be” that are waiting to be discovered. For example, I believe my art will play a role in my business, though I am not sure how that will look yet. There are also possibilities in every moment – the possibility of being present, being joyful and being alive.

What possibilities are right in front of you? Which will you embrace? What possibilities might be in your future? Are you ready to walk toward them?

Since possibilities are always on my mind, I jumped at the chance to have two Possibilities Parties in my home when I learned that my good friend Adele Michal of In Your Success Zone was hosting them. Possibilities parties are gatherings of creative entrepreneurs who are seeking new ways to expand and grow, using their intuition and creativity. What I loved most was being with friends, hearing their stories and ideas of what they wanted for their businesses and lives. This opened up new possibilities in me – in fact, upon exclaiming that one new possibility I wanted to experience was a weekend retreat at the beach with time for introspection, quiet walks, exercise and fun – it immediately manifested when one of my friends at the party said “I have just the thing”! A few weeks later that possibility came true. The Possibility Parties showed me a new way of tapping into my intuition, to trust and listen to it – something I have begun to do with my art.

How often do you listen to your intuition and creative side when thinking about what is possible for you to experience and achieve?

Possibilities play an important role in taking us out of our comfort zones, especially since they often fall in the realm of the unknown and tap into our greater potential. To fully embrace possibilities we have to let go of the “need to know” all the details and all the steps along the way. We have to be open to letting things unfold in their due time, to having patience and trust that they will.

What possibilities have taken you out of your comfort zone? How far do you want to go?

October 20, 2008

Decisions

Every decision we make could be the pivotal one that could change the course of our lives. From the small decisions like what we have for breakfast or the clothes we buy to the big decisions like what career we pursue and the partner we choose, and every decision in between, has an effect on our quality of life. Making decisions, especially in this age of vast choices, is often a painful and challenging process. We worry about the outcome and are fearful of the unknown. We wonder if this is the “best” choice and often hold out for that “perfect” choice for so long, that we wind up staying exactly where we are, in limbo.

As many of you know, one example of a big decision in my life was my choice to move to North Carolina. The initial decision to move was easy since my husband and I knew we wanted a better quality of life. The next decision was where to move. That took longer as we identified what “better quality of life” meant to us. That decision was followed by many smaller decisions such as which places to visit, when to put our house up for sale, which realtor to use, when to tell our employers we were leaving, which specific community we wanted to live in, and the list goes on. Was the process easy? Not always. Was it painful? Sometimes it was. So what kept us going? Our desire was strong; we knew what we wanted and most importantly, why we wanted it!

Making decisions, big and small, is like exercising. Our “decision muscles” develop by consistent movement on an ongoing basis. The more decisions we make, the greater our confidence in making them, and the quicker we make them.

What big and small decisions have effected your life the most?

What happens when we don’t make a decision? We sit on the fence between where we are and where we want to be. Though sitting on the fence is still a decision, it is one of the few that brings inertia instead of action. When we avoid making a decision, we feel stuck or in limbo. The idea of having to make the decision often consumes our thoughts and adds stress to our days. We often feel anger toward our current situation since we know we don’t want it anymore, but we are still there. I certainly experience those feelings when I am on the fence. Once I get off, a sense of lightness comes over me – and the funny thing is, it does not matter which side of the fence I got off on. Just the act of deciding freed my mind. Does this sound familiar? What would happen if either side of the fence – either choice was “right”?

When have you been on the fence about a decision? How has it affected you?

Cathy Martin is a client of mine who came to me because she wanted help with building her business to complete the picture of her ideal life. You see several years ago she retired from a long career and moved to NC to finally live the lifestyle she had been longing for. She immediately achieved many pieces of it – a beautiful townhome in a great community of likeminded women with a plethora of activity to keep her busy and having fun. What was missing was the financial and time freedom she wanted so she joined YTB (Your Travel Biz).

She was excited about the business model and the benefits she would get immediately in the form of discounted travel. But soon she got stuck and wound up on the fence, teetering between two lives. One one side of the fence was the life she had been living these last few years working in a part time job she enjoyed, but financially she was not where she wanted to be. One the other side of the fence was the potential for financial freedom, but fear was keeping her stuck. You see, she was uncomfortable talking about her business when she met new people for fear of “bothering them”.

After talking it through, she realized two important things: that sitting on the fence was causing greater stress than the fear of jumping fully into her business; and that this business could be a blessing to others (instead of a bother) to be offered an opportunity to live a lifestyle they desire. In order to get off the fence, Cathy had to make a decision once and for all. To do that, she revisited her vision of the lifestyle she wanted and it became clear that she would forever regret not going after her dream of financial freedom – and so she chose! Now, Cathy is fully committed to building YTB and going after the lifestyle she knows is possible for her – and she is becoming a model to her potential clients of what is possible when we commit to something we believe in – ourselves!

What is one of your success stories?

How do we best make decisions? Focus on your values, what matters most to you in life. For me one value was beautiful surroundings, for Cathy it was financial freedom. These values served as our “why” as we were making our decisions. Seek to feel great. For most of us, being on the fence does not feel good. We may experience frustration, stuck-ness, boredom, or fear. Once we choose, we experience a weight lifted that is so freeing. All decisions can have good outcomes, it all depends on how you look at it. Follow your instincts. Pay attention to your gut reactions, that deeper knowing that we all have but often ignore. Give yourself a deadline. Determine by when you will decide, no matter what. For me, I gave myself a deadline of spring to give me enough time to sell my house and move before a new semester started at the university I worked. Let go of “perfect”. When we hold out for that “perfect” choice, we wind up staying in the same place, often for years! Define your “best” and go for it!

Remember, the more decisions you make the greater your confidence in making them!